Giving Thanks, for Grace.

New habits will undo old habits, and we must give ourselves grace in the process. I looked at myself in the mirror the other day, and all kinds of names came to my mind that were not Christ approved. Let's just say despite my hard work breastfeeding, my pants still don't fit, and even though I told myself the baby toys wouldn't take over my house, the baby stuff has won the battle, and the bags under my eyes tell it all. No matter how much you tell yourself you are going to be a Pinterest/Instagram worthy mom before the baby comes, life sweeps you up, survival mode happens, and sometimes you just need a little (or large for that matter) helping of ice cream once the house is finally quiet amidst the rubble of spit up, play gyms, blankets, and toys, just to help you remember to inhale, then exhale again. Lily is four months old. I can't believe it has already been 4 months!! So much has changed about her already since the day she was born, and I feel like I have invested so much in her the past few months, I have become an afterthought. One must sacrifice a great deal to become a mother, but I can't forget who I am, and whose I am in the process. I am Christ's child, and he sacrificed more than I ever will so that I could become his. So that he could give me my true name...Beloved.

Thanksgiving was a blessing. Stephen and I took Lily out to Placerville to spend the day with with my parents, and my aunt and uncle Daryl and Gordon. It was beautiful! Sunlight pouring in through the windows, the smell of stuffed turkey in the oven, wine and cheese out for the taking, and Lily slept well for each of her naps! She even went down for a nap without fussing during dinner, so I could really savor the meal! We really have lucked out with her. Minus a couple hours in the evenings when she turns into a different baby completely, she is so mellow, and such a good sleeper. We couldn't ask for more! I need to start taking note throughout the day of all the little graces God grants us. I need to stop beating myself up with names that hurt the heart of my maker. I need to give myself grace, as God does. I need to give thanks daily for even the little things God has given me. I need to take time out to set goals, and one by one replace bad habits I have created while I have been in survival mode these past several months, but just change one at a time, giving myself grace in the process. My life is different now with a little one, and I can't expect to live life the same way I used to. Motherhood will always take sacrifices, but with baby steps, I can learn to live with balance, and to not forget about myself completely. I desperately need to factor in giving of myself to my spouse, and keeping myself strong, so I can be someone my daughter looks up to one day. It's so hard to give of yourself to a new baby, your spouse, and still stay strong yourself.

Life is a process. A process of loving others first and myself last, but still not forgetting who I am...Christ's Beloved. I truly believe the the key to staying strong when you feel so spread thin, is staying thankful for life's little graces, remembering whose you are, no matter what.